<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>lemon boy by soldierpoetprince</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29691996">lemon boy</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/soldierpoetprince/pseuds/soldierpoetprince'>soldierpoetprince</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Dream SMP Oneshots [5]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Adoption, And by adoption I mean the piglin, Background Cara | CaptainPuffy/Niki | Nihachu, Background Relationships, Background Zak Ahmed/Darryl Noveschosch, Best Friends, Canon Compliant, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Gen, Humor, Marriage, Marriage Proposal, Married for Tax Benefits, Mentioned Dream SMP Ensemble, Moobloom Hybrid Toby Smith | Tubbo, Niki | Nihachu and Ranboo are Siblings, No Angst, Not Shippy, Platonic Male/Male Relationships, Ranboo my beloved, They're husbands your honor, i can’t believe i can tag that</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-16 02:21:20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,149</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29691996</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/soldierpoetprince/pseuds/soldierpoetprince</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Eret enforces taxes onto the SMP. Tubbo realizes that married citizens get tax reductions. Ranboo's just roped along for the ride. </p><p>(NOT ship.)</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Ranboo &amp; Toby Smith | Tubbo</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Dream SMP Oneshots [5]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2123391</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>603</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>DSMP fic recs</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>lemon boy</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>yes, i am aware that snowchester is not technically a government!! however, c!ranboo is not, so he will be referring to it as such.</p><p>this is not a ship fic!! everything is strictly platonic, and any "flirting" is played for laughs. title from cavetown's lemon boy!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Ranboo has known Tubbo since he arrived on the SMP. Tubbo was one of the first people to actually befriend him and take the time to get to know him, allowing Ranboo to slowly open up to the other’s presence and relax in his proximity. Before Ranboo’s even aware of it, he’s joking around with the boy, hanging out with him nearly every other day as the brunet drags him from one project to another. Tubbo’s a whirlwind of energy and chaos, with more ideas than he has time and a motormouth to match. Ranboo’s usually the more relaxed type, but he finds himself comforted by Tubbo’s hurricane of a presence, even finding himself <em> accustomed </em>to it in a weird, paradoxical way.</p><p>Which is probably why he’s not that surprised when Tubbo slams open the door of his house, starling Ranboo from his reading and nearly causing him to drop the book altogether. “Ranboo! My beloved!” the boy cries happily, shrugging off his cloak and bounding over to the couch, nearly tripping over himself in the process. “Marry me!”</p><p>Ranboo nearly chokes, needing a second to process the other’s words. By the time he’s managed to compose himself, Tubbo’s crawled up next to him, sitting back on his heels as he looks at Ranboo expectantly, brown eyes shining in excitement. Tubbo’s had plenty of weird, out-of-nowhere ideas before. Ranboo’s happy to oblige, most of the time, even if it means getting slightly traumatized in the process. (Tubbo’s electric chair experiment comes to mind. He’s honestly still not sure where the moobloom hybrid even <em> got </em> that, or if he built it himself, and he’s too afraid to ask at this point.) But asking for his hand in <em> marriage </em> is definitely up there on the absurdity scale. They’re not even together—Ranboo doesn’t even <em> see </em>him in that way—so what—</p><p>“W-what?”</p><p>Tubbo huffs, leaning back further onto his haunches petulantly. “It’s a simple question, Ranboo! Will. You. Marry. Me.”</p><p>“No, no, I got that,” Ranboo says, hesitantly setting his book aside and getting into a comfier position. This is going to be a long one. “It’s just—where did this come from exactly?”</p><p>“Well, you’ve heard about Eret’s new decree, right? About taxes and stuff?” At the enderman hybrid’s nod, Tubbo continues. “Which is awesome, really, because I’ve lost count of how many creeper holes I’ve ended up falling into while just trying to get home, but that’s not important! What’s important is that I was looking into it, and it turns out that there are a lot of advantages to being married! Like, you don’t get taxed as much and shit! So, I was thinking. If we got married, we could totally cash in on that. Are you down, big man?”</p><p>That . . . is not what Ranboo was expecting, in all honesty; but then, he’s not sure what he <em> was </em>expecting, either. </p><p>“I-okay?” Ranboo doesn’t bring up the fact that he probably won’t even <em> be </em> taxed, considering he doubts Technoblade will allow Eret to even step onto his lands. He’s not really sure <em> how </em>taxes work, the SMP has never actually been stable enough to have those, but he trusts Tubbo’s word. He doesn’t see why the boy would lie about something like this, anyway. “Can we even do that? We’re both minors, Tubbo.”</p><p>The boy in question waves his hand dismissively, tsking. “Ranboo, Ranboo, you worry too much about that stuff! I’ve already asked Bad about it, and he said that as long as we both consent, there’s no <em> real </em>issue. S’not like we have a guardian to call about that stuff. We’re practically all set already!” </p><p><em> Well, technically, you’re right on not having anyone to call, </em> Ranboo thinks, mulling over the possibilities in his mind. <em> Though I don’t know if Techno will be too happy if he finds out I married his ex(?)-enemy that’s also a nation’s leader. </em></p><p>Ranboo says none of that, though, instead opting for a very eloquent, “B-Bad can marry people?”</p><p>“Yeah! I didn’t know that either, but I was talking to Sapnap, and apparently he ordained his own wedding, which I also didn’t know you could do. Imagine being like, ‘you may now kiss the groom, and by groom, I mean me.’” That sends Tubbo spiraling into a fit of laughter, which Ranboo shortly joins, Tubbo’s laughter always having been contagious. It takes a minute for them to compose themselves once again, lost to each other’s giggles. After a beat, Tubbo’s eyes widen, and he lets out a soft gasp of realization. “Wait, I’m not gonna have to kiss you, am I? ‘Cause don’t get me wrong, you’re great and all, but you’re not really my type.”</p><p>“I don’t think there’s any, like, legal ramifications to not kissing at a wedding.” Ranboo laughs at the mental image it conjures. “It’s not like the whole thing is instantly called off if you don’t kiss. That would be pretty funny, though.”</p><p>“It would, it would.” Tubbo nods far too sagely for the given context, sending them both into another boisterous fit of laughter. It’s almost surreal, really. If someone were to tell Ranboo of six months ago he’d be here, in a government, laughing with its president/ruler as they discuss marriage proposals, he would’ve called them insane. And yet, here he is, watching with absolute glee as said leader nearly slips off of the couch in his joy, letting out a high-pitched scream-yelp as he scrambles back against the couch’s frame. It takes them even longer to calm down, after that, Tubbo’s pale face causing Ranboo to burst into giggles whenever he glances in his direction, but eventually, they settle back to normal, with Tubbo’s side softly leaning against Ranboo’s legs as the enderman hums a soft tune he remembers from his home plane. Looking past shaggy bangs, Tubbo lets loose a crooked smile, mischief back in his dark eyes. “So is that a yes to the marriage?”</p><p><em> To hell with it </em>. “I think it is, yeah.”</p><p> </p><p>. . .</p><p> </p><p>Ranboo has, admittedly, only been to one wedding before, and considering it started with explosions and ended in a fist-fight, it wasn’t the most pleasant experience, even if he did enjoy being able to throw flowers at people. He doesn’t know much about the planning process, much less preparations, but he <em> does </em> know one thing. Rings. He’s seen them with other couples on the SMP, and while he doesn’t consider himself and Tubbo a couple in any way, he knows they hold significant importance to the whole ordeal. From what he’s observed, they tend to be matching with each other. Skeppy and Bad have a pair of obsidian rings topped with a small diamond; Karl, Sapnap, and Quackity all have plain gold bands with their inscribed initials; and Niki, though she insists she and Puffy aren’t yet engaged, has a golden ring of her own with a large diamond on top. Ranboo doesn’t want to do anything too flashy, or expensive, since it’s mostly for the bit, and he just wants to assure Tubbo that he’s okay with this course of events. He goes to Niki for advice, which ends up being a bust. The conversation starts normal, with Niki explaining ring sizes, different materials and their costs, all the such, but it quickly spirals into a rant about how her and Puffy’s latest date went, and Ranboo <em> really </em> doesn’t want to hear about his sister’s love life more than he has to. It does help him come to the conclusion that he has absolutely no idea what Tubbo’s ring size is, and there is <em> no </em>way that he’s going to be able to gather up the courage to ask, so that’s a bust.</p><p>It hits him the next time him and Tubbo hang out, having gotten together to gather more supplies for their hotel. Tubbo makes an offhand <em> my beloved </em>joke, as he tends to do, and it’s like a lightbulb goes off in Ranboo’s mind. He hurries to write it down before he forgets, circling it in bright red ink just in case. Tubbo doesn’t question it, giving Ranboo his moment before continuing, as to not interrupt the other’s train of thought. Ranboo is endlessly thankful to have met him.</p><p>He goes to Skeppy for help with it the next day, since Skeppy is the only person Ranboo knows that has experience in jewelry. Techno and Sapnap are both master blacksmiths, but he’s searching for something that requires a bit more delicate touches than swords and shields. Besides, he knows that the man won’t question it, seeing that Bad has most certainly told him about Tubbo’s plans. Even if he hasn’t, Skeppy’s good at keeping secrets, at least from those that aren’t his husband. Ranboo can trust him with this.</p><p>“A heart locket? Really?” Okay, so maybe the man will question him. Not necessarily to get more information, but to have more ammunition to tease him on. He should’ve seen this coming. “You don’t want a ring or anything? I have a few spare iron ones laying around.”</p><p>“Ah, no,” Ranboo says instantly, quickly waving his hands in front of him. “I, uh, can’t really touch iron. It’s like touching water, actually.”</p><p>“Huh.” Skeppy hums softly, tinkering with a small diamond between his fingers. “Noted. I’ll make sure to keep that in mind, then. Come back in about a week, yeah? They’ll be done by then.”</p><p>Ranboo nods, fingers itching to pick up the dirt to their right. He represses the thought for now. “Of course. Thank you, Skeppy. W-how should I pay you?”</p><p>The man waves his hand, chuckling lightly. “On the house, kid. You two are paying me enough just by doing this. I haven’t seen Bad this excited about anything in months.” </p><p>Ranboo waves his goodbyes as quickly as he can, booking it back to his place in nearly record time. What is it with these people and spilling their love life to him? He’s just here to platonically marry his best friend for tax benefits, man. He didn’t sign up for this. Bad and Skeppy are great people, don’t get him wrong, but <em> ender </em> can they be sickeningly sweet when talking about each other. It’s admittedly worse when they’re apart, hence his rush to leave. There’s a very real possibility Skeppy would talk about Bad for <em> hours </em>, and Ranboo is far too awkward to excuse himself in the middle of a conversation like that. He doesn’t mean to be rude, but there’s only so many times he can hear Skeppy rant about how lovingly Bad greeted him this morning before he goes insane. </p><p>Sure enough though, by the time he returns to their mansion, Skeppy’s finished two matching, red heart-shaped lockets, engravings on the right and an open spot for a photograph on the left. Just as Ranboo asked. He notices Skeppy added two leather cords, which he softly thanks him for.</p><p>“They’re painted copper, by the way,” Skeppy comments as Ranboo inspects them in between gloved hands, half in awe and half in admiration. “That doesn’t hurt you, right?”</p><p>“N-no, just iron, I think,” Ranboo stutters, momentarily thrown off-guard at Skeppy’s question. Most people don’t care to ask. “Thank you. For everything, I mean.”</p><p>“Of course. It’s my please, dude. Can I ask about the inscriptions, though? Can’t say I’ve ever heard anything like them before.”</p><p>Ranboo chokes out a laugh, glove tracing over the <em> Ranboo my beloved </em>engraving within Tubbo’s locket. “It’s a long story.”</p><p> </p><p>. . .</p><p> </p><p>The wedding itself, in Ranboo’s opinion, goes a <em> lot </em>better than the last one he attended. Which, admittedly, was an extremely low bar to begin with, but he’s proud of them nonetheless. </p><p>Even though it’s mostly for the joke, Bad seems set on having an actual event setting, so he asked them beforehand to figure out everyone’s roles and send out invitations. It was . . . interesting. Ranboo would’ve felt bad if he didn’t tell Techno and Phil, so he did, with a lengthy explanation about how this was <em> not </em> him joining Snowchester, or any government, actually, and that it wasn’t as much of an invitation, more like a heads-up. They somehow got it in their heads that that meant they <em> had </em>to attend, if not just to supervise Ranboo and make sure nothing happened to him. Well, that was how Phil had put it, anyway. Techno worded it in a long, drawn-out rant about espionage and understanding the enemy through the facade of being their friend, or at least on friendly terms. Ranboo only half-believes him, but he’s also too afraid to push, so he lets him be. </p><p>In the end, Ranboo ends up picking Fundy as his best man and Niki as his maid of honor. Tubbo chooses Tommy as his best man, to no one’s surprise, with Eret as his maid of honor. (Enderchest fills in as their flower girl, of course, and Enderpearl their ringbearer.) They decide on who would be walked by the aisle through a coin flip, which ends up falling to Tubbo. That brings up the question as to who would be walking him down the aisle, which is an ordeal in itself. Tommy insists on doing it himself, since he’s Tubbo’s best friend, but Bad shoots him down quickly, saying he’s needed up front as best man. Tubbo plays with the thought of his actual dad taking up the role, but he isn’t whitelisted, and even if Dream wasn’t in prison, he doubts the admin would let him in just for something like this, anyways. Not after everything that’s happened. In the end, Phil ends up volunteering for the part, much to Techno’s chagrin, shrugging as he explains that he had helped raise Tubbo as much as his actual father, and that it was only fair for the occasion. He had been planning to escort Ranboo, anyways, so it wouldn’t change anything in his plans. Ranboo pretends that he doesn’t tear up at that. </p><p>They hold the venue at Church Prime, of course. With Eret’s help, they decorate the surrounding area with flowers and beehives, creating the perfect garden, at the loss of a few bee casualties due to Fundy getting too close and getting himself stung. Tubbo says he deserved it. Ranboo silently agrees, though he does still help Fundy soothe the wounds. He didn’t necessarily plan to spend his wedding reception treating his kind-of brother’s injuries due to sticking his snout where he wasn’t supposed to, but then, he also didn’t plan to get married any time before the age of twenty-five, so he supposes any sense of normalcy went out the window long ago.</p><p>Tubbo is walked down the aisle in Eret’s strawberry dress, a crown of golden flowers in his hair alongside the occasional bee. Ranboo nearly bursts out laughing when he sees that the boy has borrowed Eret’s platform boots, as well, and <em> actually </em>laughs at the realization that, despite the added height, he still towers over Tubbo. </p><p>When Bad asks them for their vows, neither hesitate. They’ve planned for this. Tubbo looks up at Ranboo, careful not to make eye-contact, smiling widely as his eyes fill with happy tears. It looks like he’s about to burst into sobs when suddenly, he tosses his bouquet into the audience (hitting a sleeping George in the process) and hits a perfect dab, causing both Tommy and Eret to burst into cheers. In return, Ranboo hits the whip, getting Niki and Fundy to cheer and Phil to burst out laughing. Bad only momentarily hesitates before continuing. </p><p>“You may now . . . high-five the groom?”</p><p>If you were to ask them afterwards, both Ranboo and Tubbo would tell you that they did <em> not </em>miss their high-five and slam into each other with their momentum, and instead hit the most perfect high-five mankind has ever seen.</p><p>They would both be lying.</p><p> </p><p>. . .</p><p> </p><p>“Ranboo! My beloved!” At this point, Ranboo doesn’t even flinch when Tubbo storms in, looking up from his notes casually with a raised eyebrow. “Guess what I found out?”</p><p>“If this is about your and Charlie’s questionable food experiments, I think I’m going to have to pass.”</p><p>Tubbo huffs, slinging himself over the back of the couch and straight onto Ranboo’s legs, uncaring at the enderman-hybrid’s protests. Ranboo has half the mind to kick him off of it, but he’s far too nice for that, and besides, he knows Tubbo will just come up with a way to get him back tenfold, so he refrains for now. “No, we haven’t finished the experimentation period on that yet! You gotta let things have time to marinate, man.” Ranboo does <em> not </em> want to think about the implications that come with that. His brain does anyway. “But what I <em> actually </em>found out was that, if you have a child, you get more tax reductions! Skeppy was just telling me about it! So . . .”</p><p>“Tubbo, you are aware that’s not biologically possible, right? Like, we cannot physically have a child.” </p><p>“Ew, no, not like that! Get your head out of the gutter, big man!” Ranboo rolls his eyes. He’s known Tubbo long enough to know that the thought definitely passed his mind, even if it was also most definitely a joke. “I was thinking, though! Michael’s a kid, yeah?”</p><p>Michael? Oh- “You want us to adopt a piglin child?”</p><p>“It’s what Phil did! Bad found Sapnap in a bunch of <em> fire </em> and it still counts, so I don’t see why this shouldn’t!” Distantly, Ranboo wonders about what it is about this server and randomly encountering children in the Nether. He pushes it aside for now. “So? What do you say? Can we <em> please </em>adopt Michael?”</p><p>Ranboo sighs. “Yeah, okay. I don’t see why not.”</p><p>Tubbo cheers, falling backwards before instantly springing back up, digging through his coat pockets and pulling out a stack of papers and a pen. “Awesome! I’ll need you to sign here, and here, and there as well, oh, don’t forget here—”</p><p>“You already had this planned??”</p><p>“Well, duh. Who do you take me for?”</p><p>Ranboo takes the pen and papers, methodically signing where Tubbo instructs him to. “Someone who I’m two seconds away from being a divorcee.”</p><p>Tubbo whines, though both him and Ranboo are smiling. “Not again!”</p><p>“Shouldn’t have gone and half-filled out adoption papers behind my back, then.”</p><p>“Please! I need you for my taxes!”</p><p>Ranboo chuckles, handing back the now-signed papers. Tubbo inspects them solemnly, nodding at the confirmation that everything’s in place. “Should’ve just evaded them like I do.”</p><p>“Fuck you.”</p><p>“I’m good, thanks.”</p><p>Ranboo does <em>not </em>squeal as Tubbo lunges at him, papers tossed haphazardly aside as he goes in for the canon kill. Their heart lockets clink together seconds before the two teens are sent stumbling towards the ground, half-laughing, half-screaming as they go. This might not be what Ranboo expected “married life” to be, but ender, he wouldn’t trade it for the world.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>comments and kudoses are highly appreciated! this is another instance of me dropping all previous WIPs due to a sudden rush of creativity that will surely leave me winded for weeks, rip</p><p>follow me on my tumblr @apollos-boyfriend! i promise i'm funny</p></blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>